Pune until now was a place of dreams. I'd heard all about the crowd, the youth and bouyancy there. I was all but deperate to get a taste of the elixir of "Pune life". The major inspirations for this longing being some rated potty-heads who had established their reputations back in the school days. My mom used to tell me Babu, dosti sirf padhaai likhaai ke liye karna, aur kisi cheez me dosti nahi. (Babu never have friends and allies for anything except studies)". Paradox prevailed, i had friends for everything except studies.
Saandh is a rated genius and an ally from my school days. ( Acceptance of the Genius tag would be subject to the audience' trust on my judgement ) It was a festive season in my heart to be meeting him along with Tota and Mota in Pune. I was up for any celebration that might come by in my stipulated 3 hours. Anything that made me miss the Maharashtra Express that night would have spelled chaos in my family.
The plan was ready. We meet, we sit, we have few pegs together and we leave. It was so damn perfect until then. We met, we sat, we had the pegs, we talked, took snaps and Saandh and I left the place as Tota and Mota went their ways, all of us feeling light and happy. Little did i know that the high of happiness was to be transformed to a mammoth of a Metaphysical adventure.
Saandh wanted a break in the journey back to the Railway station to visit his friends and exchange bikes. It was supposed to be a 15 minutes ride to their place, a 10 minute stop and another 25 mins ride to the station. We would have been at the station well at around 10:50 p.m with about 20 mins in hand for the train to depart. All the way Saandh told me his philosophy about "grass" and its 1001 benefits, one of which included enhanced concentration while driving. I heard the fire alarm ringing in my head, but, you know... we humans are ardently wishful.
Up until now, the plan was perfect, we did reach the place in 15 mins, and then... things changed. My worst fears came to life...
I saw Saandh's friends who had a hard hit with something they had just had. They were like 6 dead bodies on one bed. Hands and legs all noodled up. The house was the kind of place pigs would be proud of. The untidiness of the place so surpassed that of my own room, that i felt human out there.
Saandh valiantly wakled in and picked up a beautiful blue glass flower vase with a small spout. His face lit up at the sight of it as if he had found gold. Says Saandh, "Sahi beyyy.. naya liya? Dekh bey Ashu ee log naya bong liya. Mast cheez hota hai bey. Bas ek drag maarte hain. 5 min me nikal jayenge."
God was himself partying that time and had left the world at the mercy of something unholy, i thought. As i expressed my obvious fears regarding the upcoming ride to the station, i was reassured, "Abey ee mera roj ka routine hai" (This is my daily routine). "I'll get you there safely, it's my word." he said.
He asked one of the corpses and took out a roll of leaves, crumpled them and put them to the little spout of the blue vase. And took a drag as i observed him keenly. This was new to me. The Hercules inside me started to pump up my ego and interest. "Let me show him i am not "grass" ignorant," I thought. "Do bey hum bhi ek drag maare" (Gimme a drag) I said. Saandh passed it on to me without an inkling of surprise and lo! I lost the very purpose of all the valiance. Others in the room were too dead to realize what was happening.
"Ok, I can stand this. I have stood 3 sticks at a time 3 years back" I thought. And I had. That was way back in college when during our experiments with life, some of us had tried "Chanddu". "Chanddu" in our lingo was the same as "grass". Saandh taught me how to use the "Bong" and i followed the instructions without an example. "If only i would have shown such brilliance at learning 6 years back, i would have been in a different world".
So i did it. I took a drag, a big one. Then another, and talked, then a third, and a final fourth. Saandh had another three. And i was still standing straight, and talking sense.. what more, "I'm He-Man" I figured out. "Good bye puppies, learn how to stand straight from the visitor," I thought as i bid adieu to the hosts.
As i walked out and took the three steps out of the house, the earth suddenly started to rotate about its axis. The earth was still until then. I could feel the rotation starting off as i stepped on it outside the house. Saandh left his own bike and took an "Avenger" which belonged to one of the dead bodies inside. We started off and just while turning around to get the bike out of its parking place, saandh nearly crushed his own foot.
I always knew God loved me, but it was quite early on in life to be called back. I switched on my mobile in International Roaming mode, just in case i got time to talk to loved ones for one last time. A sound wave travelled into my right ear "Abey darr mat. Ye mera roj ka routine hai" (Don't be scared, this is a part of my daily routine).
Few slow paces... And then the joyride began. It was 10:45 by then. We were 45 mins behind schedule but my ass was too intoxicated to be on fire.
I felt the wind blowing Saand's long hair back on my face. But I felt the itch on my nose few milliseconds later. The point is... I was feeling the milliseconds pass. I realized that Saandh must be high and th responsibility of a safe ride now is on me. I must maintain the centre of gravity of the bike at any cost. With all my sense of resopnsibility, i tried to maintain a straight posture. When th bike tilted left, i tilted right, when it tilted right, i tilted left. To an onlooker, i would have appeared to be a donkey sitting in a joy-ride cart, scared, super-straight and lauding his own intelligence. But despite the efforts, the bike wobbled.
"I am such an asshole" I thought. "Straightening up would help if the bike was in linear motion. This is rotary. My weight is evening out a component of the centripetal force, hence raising the Centre of Gravity!!!!!". I was so proud after reasoning it out, i realized that i was "One with the Universe". I was feeling Physics. I was living Science.
And then i saw a flash coming towards and just as i was about to run into death, the bike swerved and we were safe again. And it was not an accidental save, it was a gem of driving. Saandh was the king of gaps and crevices in traffic. They all belonged to him. He would swerve the bike left and right, drive right into gaps barely as wide as the handles of the bike, put the brakes on, accelerate like a beast and it was all deliberate. It was a beauty of a drive, it was an art. Saandh then was the God on the road. I was a "Pillion to God".
And all the while as Saandh was busy being the God on the road, i was busy being an X-man in my own way, for i had slowed down time, i was living the milli and microseconds. The world was an open book infront of me and i was reading it at my leisure. I couldn't really make out if time had slowed down or i was thinking too fast. But i remember studying all and sundry that i saw.
Saandh took me to an open road and told me he'd show me Motka's place. He showed me a dark alley which cut off the road. Along it i could barely see 10 metres. Sandh told me, "Get into this road, take the first right and second left, motka lives on the 3rd floor." He then went on to show me his own place. "Abey ab tumko apna ghar dikhaate hain." When we took a right from a cirle, he said, "If we had gone straight along this road, taken a left turn 500 metres down, rode in and turned to the third right, you would get to my place."
And I started analysing, "The guy's hit, he's not able to reason. Should i tell him he's lost himself? No, I shouldn't he'd take it as a challenge to proove he's in control and would start driving recklessly and who knows, do a stunt, maybe.."
My mouth was getting dried up and the wind hitting my face was facilitating it. "I know it. This happens when you have grass. My mouth is actually not so dried up. It's just that the brain is getting impulses late and it is interpreting as a dried up mouth... Or is it that that the brain is interpreting too fast and not able to pick up impulses... Uh.. who cares..."
I looked at my watch and it was still 10:53 in the night but it appeared as though i had been riding for not less than 20 minutes. I thought again... and i thought the same, brain, impulses, neurons, crap.
Somehow, the God of the road completed the 25 min journey. The watch said he did it in 15-20 mins but i had just got off riding for more than half an hour as i felt it.
When we ran into the station, the train was already at the platform. Saandh told me to get the luggage from the cloak room as he parked his bike. As i ran to the Cloak room, i thought they might know i am high if i speak. I better not open my mouth. I just walked in, gave them the slip and pointed fingers at my luggage. They directed me to take them. I took my suitcase and handbag, the laptop bag was hanging on my back and my camera hanging by my side. I then felt what Jesus would have felt when he was carrying the cross.
My compartment was 4 compartments away. I started dragging the two bags towards it. Suddenly my messiah came in running to relieve me of some load and took the smaller handbag and ran to occupy the seat.
"Abey koun sa seat?" he yelled.
"Abey waiting hai", I managed. And he stopped running and stood still.
"Abey tum pahuch jayega na? Aj hi pahuchna zaruri hai?"
I managed a reassuring gesture with my hand and continued walking briskly along the train as he ran ahead of me.
It was an endless train!!
I walked for an epoch till i saw Saandh standing inside an AC compartment waiting for me. I went and stodd there. He gave me a light embrace and got down and asked again. "Abey pahuch jayega na?" For a moment he became my mummy and told me, "Thik se jana bey". I held my thumb up as the train moved. I immediately diverted my attention from him and rinsed my mouth. Up next was another ordeal - Talk to the TTE, pay him whatever amount he wants and get a seat confirmed anywhere in any class.
I stood at the door, waiting for another epoch till an uncle came out from the adjoining compartment. We shared glances and i stood there quitely.
He spoke first, "Kidhar? Confirm nahi hua kya? (Where to? Don't you have a confirmed seat?) " I could identify from his tone and the gutkha stains on his teeth that he is a Bhaiyyaji from some place in UP. The apprehension of an impending, unending monologue gripped me and i shook at the thought, as i was the only audience, and lo! my worst fears came true!!!
He started and I heard what i feared were the last words i am hearing, for he appeared not to stop till i was dead. "Arre acha kad kathi hai. Jawan ho takatwar ho. Jakar let jao koi bhi khaali berth pe.. Kaa karega TTE. Bolo "Nai Uthenge". Kaa kar lega? Seat dena hi padega." As much as i remember he repeated the same idea for over 5 times in different ways and with different words.
He made me think "Is he himself drunk, or does he know I am high. Why all the concern??" I wasn't talking, maintaining a perfectly stable posture (As i thought i was..) and how can he still know. A realization clicked on and I immediately took my aviators out and put them on. "Maybe my eyes are red or something."
And then... God showed up again in a different form. He was wearing a black blazer and holding a cardboard with some sheets strewn on it. He blessed me with a middle berth, berth number 14. I had a surge of energy and i ran to sleep. I somehow found place beneath the lower berth to push in my luggage, hopped on to the berth and fell face-flat onto it.
As i lay calm, thoughts suddenly attacked my brain like ants attack a sugar cube on th floor. I was seeing all colours with my closed eyes. Green, yellow, orange...
The red would mix with the green and produce a golden hue. The blue would suddenly turn orange without any intimation. My thoughts were defying the laws of physics, the Principles of Light and what not!! Amidst the noise of thoughts, i felt something hurting my scrotches. It was my watch on my left hand. I extricated my hand out of there, trying to move as little, and as sluggishly as possible. I got a glimpse of my watch and saw it was showing 12:05 in the night.
In what i thought of as the "next few minutes", i tried to attain a comfortable posture. I tried and tried... and I did it!! I then had another little glimpse of my watch. It was around 1:00 in the night. It took me an hour to change my posture!!!
Amidst the clamour of all my colourful thoughts, i slept.
I might have had few dreams as well, but try what i may i fail to remember. And this is a lucky relief for any readers who may drop by, for the dream would have added another few hundred words.
I woke up the next morning at around 8:30 feeling heavy, but happy and took the resolve to save this experience somewhere before i die.
And here i am...
The story really has no learnings to take back for ordinary human beings, but any fellow smokers would agree "You see God when you are on a Trip with Bong."
